I'm sorry about sending this letter to you via snail mail. I don't want to send an e-mail because I'd rather not have a record of this living forever on some server somewhere. About six months ago, after watching my girlfriend insert a tampon, I asked if I could do it for her next time. She thought it was an odd request but agreed. After "helping" a few times, the conversation turned to what it felt like to wear one.
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Have you thought about the health of your butt lately? We tend to give anal health the short shrift in comparison to the time we spend thinking about the well-being of our vaginas, those pampered show ponies of the underwear area. But anuses require good treatment too, and that includes refraining from putting certain items and substances into or around them.
Eight intrepid women once gathered together for a slumber party during which they gabbed about their moon signs, ate chocolate, and shoved a ton of hallucinogenic drugs up their vaginas. This "Cunt Odyssey" essay — found on Erowid, that online drug library your freshman year burner dormmate consulted more often than Wikipedia — is from One just took Xanax and selflessly served as scribe.